Canvasing the Word

I often come to these blogs with a moral lesson taken from something I had read or heard that week or an analogy that is unique or quirky. This week, I don't have that. I don't feel that there is any one thing I can write that will fully encompass what I feel this week, no specific analogy or specific story to start off with. But the beauty of non-specifics is that it truly allows God to be God. I have sported this blog now for almost three years and have filled it with my thoughts on life, God, and people. But it's tragic, really, to think that those single, weekly thoughts encompass really all of the aspects of life. I've caught myself seeing the world, seeing life, in these one chapter, section by section moments. By that, I mean I've caught myself seeing life as all good or all bad or all ugly for that specific time. When you do that, it's easy to see God's will or life's plans in dainty little segments where we either feel that we are Moses, standing victorious on the other side of the Red Sea having just freed the Israelites, or that we are Job, lowly and miserable and heartbroken by the trials and tests we are going through. But this week, I feel it would be a tragedy to look at life in the moment, that it is either "all good" or "all bad" or just plain ugly for that day, because when we do that, we miss the bigger picture. We only see the small snapshots of God's plan and ultimately canvas His glory into little, bite-sized quantities. We take the "God" out of God.

Over the course of this week, things have been up and things have been down. I saw the most beautiful portrait of nature that God has ever created and saw the most broken and heart wrenching trial I have ever seen God put someone through. The world itself saw a global tragedy tear through continents and kill thousands of people, but it also saw the greatest global effort to revive a broken people, bringing enemies together to save enemies. If we just took the snapshots of the week, it would either look entirely grim or entirely beautiful. We would miss the dichotomy, we would miss the teamwork of good and bad, we wouldn't see the whole picture. Life is a lot like Reese's cups. The peanut butter by itself is okay, the chocolate by itself is okay, but they are only great when combined. Good and bad are only truly amazing - and we can only see God is truly at work - when we see them together.

Take a look at Philippians. Paul writes here and sees something truly beautiful:

⁷ But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸ What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in^[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. (Philippians 3 NIV)

Allow me interpret it this way:

7 But whatever was beautiful, the things I found most awesome, I now see as glib and small compared to Christ. 8 Furthermore, I say it's all nothing because of how great, how "everything," Christ Jesus is to me, who I would sacrifice everything for. The good, bad, and ugly is nothing, garbage!, compared to who Christ is. 9 There is nothing in me that is worthy of his love, nothing I've done or said. But, through faith, through constancy, through love in Christ - I do have that righteousness, through him alone! (Philippians 3 NKV: New Kyle Version)

Paul found something here. He found out what it is to see the whole picture. He found that life in Christ brings him to a redemption he neither deserved nor could attain or get by himself. The good he had done wasn't worthy of God's love, the bad certainly wasn't, and the ugly situations he faced (like being stoned and beaten for Christ) only made the message of Christ's redemption more beautiful.

And that is what is truly beautiful about life! That the culmination of the good things we do and the bad things we do will never be worthy of God's love. But he gives it anyways, even in the ugliest, nastiest moments in our life he gives it anyway. And that's what's beautiful. That is what we miss when we push aside everything around us and focus on the small, day-to-day snapshots of life. Day-to-day, we won't know if life will be a great or if it will be miserable. When we look at the day-to-day, it's nothing more than a mere gamble - will it be good or bad today? Yet the painting we see in the background, when we pan out and look at life in Christ in its entirety, we see the most beautiful thing yet - grace. A grace we miss out on when caught on in the bulk of activities. A grace I didn't see until God shut me up:

This week, God showed me the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in his creation, and as I swam in the midst of it, I was shut up with wonder. He also showed me the most heart wrenching, difficult thing I have seen bore on the shoulders of someone made completely innocent in the glory of God's grace. I was shut up with heart break. And in between the lines of good and bad, God showed me that in both the good and bad, his grace ties it all together, and only when we see the whole picture - the picture of the cross, the picture of his love - do we see the beauty that God has created. A grace given so freely. And when we are faithful to him to stand back and say, "God, in the midst of this, show me something beautiful," he will. Just keep watching, keep your eyes open for his grace, and let God be God.

KB

 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus... The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen. 
-Philippians 3:5-7;23

Stomach Butterflies

Last week marked the final performance of a stage production I have been a part of - the Dining Room by A.R. Gurney.  The show ran for only 4 days, which isn't a very long time. Bear in mind, we have been working on this production since November.  Despite the short run, it's been worth it although it's also nice to bring it to a close.  I love theater, don't get me wrong, but it's stressful and it requires a great deal of perserverence and I am not very good at handling either!

If you know me very well, you might know that I love theater.  I love plays, film, productions, and heck even a couple musicals here and there.  But if you know me very very well, you might find this ironic because I am also pretty stagefright. In preschool, I refused to sing songs with my classmates because it freaked me out. As a kid, I hid behind my mommy's leg when I met a new person. As a teenager, I worked on being more personable but still hated even speaking up in a group.  As an adult, I wanted to overcome my fear, so I got into acting but I still get ancy before a performance.

I have a ritual before I go on. I usually dance around, listen to a lone piano playing on my iPod, and use the bathroom at least half a dozen times. It's like a really bad version of Amadeus, for all of those who get the reference! During one of the performances for this last show, my director noticed I was acting like a baffoon and asked me what glue I had been huffing. I told them it was stage fright and it was nothing - I would get over it if I could just get my nerves out. Then my director told me something profound:
"Kyle. Stagefright is not your anxiety about people watching you. Stagefright is about you freaking out over you not performing your lines. You're not scared over them. You're scared over yourself."

Fair enough.

It made sense.  The truth is, stagefright is not a matter of if people will be interested in you on stage.  They already are interested - they showed up to the performance after all!  Stagefright is really about yourself. It's when our own pride gets in the way of our thoughts and says, "You aren't capable of this."  What poppycock! All too often we feel that we aren't good enough, capable of, or worth enough to merit our worth on this planet. We are at times "stagefright" over being confident in ourselve, in our faith, or in our relationships. We don't want to take the leap to go to that church or churchgroup because we are "stagefright" over if we know enough to keep up. We don't take time with our family or loved ones because we are "stagefright" that we might not meet their expectations or run out of things to do.  We don't take the initiative at work because we are "stagefright" that it might not go over well with the "boss-man." Worst of all, we are "stagefright" that our faith isn't strong enough - that we are incapable of living up to God's standards.

The truth is, every one of us is worthy of God's love because He gives it freely.  There is nothing we do that can separate us from his love, nothing. But the thing that keeps us from that love and from those standards in our lives (like career, family, etc) is our apprehension over ourselves. We are scared that we aren't worth it or can't live up to them.  But we are each capable of those things.

So this week, think about the things you are "stagefright" about.  Job, family, that special someone, your faith? Bear in mind that nothing we can do can separate us from the love of God and with that knowledge, go forth and perform your heart out without holding back!  Give life all you can.  Sometimes, the thing that holds us back from the best things in life is the fact that we are scared over ourselves, over not being worth it. And remember, the people closest to us, and especially the God who created us, is there for us all the time - they've already "shown up to the performance!" So may we know that nothing can separate us from the love of God, and the love of God cures a multitude of problems. If that's the case, well, then may the show go on!

KB


³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Romans 8:38-39

Writer's Block

Now you can have an inside look at what it is to write these blogs. The process is very in-depth and extensive and I think you'll be surprised at the sheer volume of research that goes into each blog, as demonstrated by this video.... please sense my humble sarcasm. But I do hope you enjoy this one:

WRITER'S BLOCK

Playing with Fire

Flames burn stuff.  This is no great scientific discover I realize.  It is also not surprising that when a man asked to play with a lighter, he is going to set stuff on fire. It's science really.  So when the fire alarms at my friend's apartment went off after I'd been playing with her lighter for her candles, I wasn't surprised. What I was surprised at was that she was surprised that I would use said lighter to burn things, as if all I wanted to do with it was make it a pretty ornament or something. As history tells us, men with lighters and paper lying around means that fire will be in the near future.

Yes, I realize that it is not necessarily the smartest thing to do to set paper on fire with a candle lighter but it's fun.  Heck, it's a blast! And I did specifically ask my friend Maison if I could play with her lighter in the apartment. So as I sat there playing with the fire, the thought of fire alarms or other people in the building being mad if they went off never crossed my mind.  However, a few minutes after I played with said fire, well, people started to panic.

I couldn't help but feel somewhat responsible for the fire alarms going off. After all, I was playing with fire. And it sucked even more that the wind chill outside made the temperature below freezing.  People were panicked, my friend Maison was furious, and I was just trying to keep my mouth shut so the other residents wouldn't find out.  Fire trucks rolled up, building managers showed, and people were in a tizzy while I, well I couldn't help but feel somewhat to blame!

There is a happy ending in this for me, though. It turned out that the freeze had caused pipes in the building to freeze and explode, resulting in an alarm.  My excessive paper burning had nothing to do with it. But I learned a couple of things from this. 1) That God has a sick sense of humor some times and 2) that playing with fire doesn't just mean one person gets the brunt of the consequences, but that everybody does.

We all do some stupid stuff now and then, but playing with fire is more than that.  When we "play with fire," we don't just goof up, we ask to goof up yet expect nothing to happen.  Just as I asked my friend for the lighter with the intention of lighting something on fire, we sometimes seek to be defiant and goof up.  But the reality is, when we seek to "play with fire," the result is that everybody around us is at risk for paying for our mistake.  Everybody has to stand out in the cold and watch the alarms go off because of what we did.

But there is good news.  The grace God offers all of us covers all sin.  Furthermore, the love that God gives to us all and the opportunities that we can love others covers "...a multitude of sin." (1 Peter 4:8)  So this week, whether we have been playing with fire or simply dancing around fire, know that the forgiveness God offers is abundant, it is refreshing, and it is healing. And it's free! May you seek to douse of the flames of sin with the flame of righteous living.

KB

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."  -1 John 1:9

Lessons from the Superbowl

Football is the American sport. I'm sorry to all those baseball fans, soccer fans, basketball fans, and the three hockey fans out there, but football is the greatest sport on the planet. From around September to February, we are graced with heavy pads, tall goal posts, and the chance to shout at the ref. It is a time that Americans can come together and fight about something we can all appreciate - large players tackling and beating the sense out of other players of a different uniform. What's not to love?

However, I am appalled at the shocking lack of football fans I come across at times. That is, I am amazed that anybody who is truly American would not like football. Although I respect their decision to be boring and forgo watching it, I still don't understand it. After next weekend (i.e. Superbowl XLV) ESPN will be forced to air all of the boring sports. Sure, we have March madness, but then what? Andre Agassi and Maria Sharapova? Baseball? Dancing with the Stars? Where's the blood, guts, and sweat in that? It will be a sad time when all my Tevo will record will be WEC fighting and the Ace of Cakes on the Food Network.

So where did this inset love for football arise in me?  I have no idea. Probably because I am a product of my environment. It's been a love I've had to cultivate, but I don't think I'll be losing this love any time soon. For years, I've stood behind my Pittsburg Steelers and less-than-spectacular-at-bowl-games Texas Tech. I also remember the first time I watched the Pittsburg Steelers go to the Superbowl. Rookie quarterback, MVP/record breaking Jerome Bettis, my hero Hines Ward, and Bill "the Underbite" Cower. We won, we celebrated, we partied, we yelled, we celebrated some more and then --

We waited.

For September that is, although, we might as well have skipped September. The Steelers went from an 11-5, Superbowl-winning record to 8-8, less-than-desirable season. It was awful. Disappointing. Pathetic. We didn't even grace the playoffs that year. My dreams of a repeat were dashed in the preseason!

Isn't life like that sometimes? We come off of an astounding, unbelievable season of our lives and enter in to an awful, disappointing, and miserable season just like that? Sometimes it feels that we are on top of the world; other times, we are at all time lows. And this back and forth, up and down, good and bad swinging makes us nearly sick! If you are like me during those times, doubt occasionally creeps up. We wonder, "Does God really know what he's doing up there? How does this help me at all?"

There was good news with the Steelers, though. We came back in 2007 with a 10-6 record, then to another 12-4 Superbowl-winning season in 2008. Of course, had that awful 2006 season never happened, we would have never traded players only to get an improved line. We would also never had replaced our tired coach with Mike Tomlin, who would later become the youngest coach to win a Superbowl in history. We would have never rethought our offense and changed our strategy. We would have never changed, we would have never gotten better, we would have never improved.

Sometimes, the crud we deal with in life is for the better. It doesn't always feel like it but in the whole big scheme of things, it is worth it. If you are like me, then you experience ups and downs every once and a while. Heck, if you're like anybody, you experience them. Sometimes they go on forever; sometimes they seem to never end! But God, in his great and awesome plan for you and me, has it all figured out. Even though we would like to be in a constant state of bliss, he knows that the only way to grow and the only way to be effective and reach the full potential of who we are, we have to go through cruddy seasons. It is how we grow. It is how we adapt. It is how God uses us in the most profound and miraculous ways. If we simply dwelled in those blissful moments, where would our testimony be? How would our faith be tested? How would we stay standing when some garbage is thrown our way? Despite those low moments we go through, if we cling to the God who is always faithful, we won't fall over when adversity comes our way.

So here we are, in 2011, facing Superbowl XLV as the Steelers gear up for the big game again. I will don my Steeler's jersey, towel, cups, hat, and socks and head off to the festivities. I'm usually not into sports analogies, but hey, it's the Superbowl - I'll make an exception this time. No matter what your season has been right now - an awesome "12-4" or a miserable "8-8" or an even more regrettable "4-12" (Sorry Bronco fans) - know that God has been planning, even before the off season, to take you to heights you couldn't imagine! Allow him to teach you, to coach you, and prepare you, because your season is fast approaching!

KB

"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down!" -Philippians 4:6-7a (the Message)

Forgiveness When It Hurts

"Forgive, as God forgave you," isn't easy. I mean, that means actually saying everything's fine, and mean it, when it's really not. How ridiculous. I always thought that verse was regarding all those petty things that go on, like that nimrod who cuts me off on the freeway or lady who gives me a nasty look in Wal-Mart as I cross the crosswalk or even that guy who takes FOREVER at the Redbox deciding on what movie to get. That stuff is easy. I grumble, I feel bad, then I say, "It's all good." But when things get personal, it's not so easy. Such is the call in Colossians 3:13 that says, "Make allowances for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you..." It's a pretty basic scripture at face value, but here's why it's so difficult.

How do we make allowance for other's faults when our love for them has been betrayed?

In theory, it's pretty easy. Just say, "It's all good." But what if it isn't all good? Wouldn't it then be considered a lie? Thus, you would not only be lying but also be in unforgiveness? And wouldn't that lead to further lies, suppressed anger, possible hatred hidden in our heart? And if that was the case then wouldn't that be doubly sinning? And if we just shrugged it off, wouldn't we then be hiding hardness in our hearts, saving all the anger and/or disappointment in said loved one for a later day? 

See? It's not so easy anymore. 

In my quiet time this week, the reoccurring theme has been about forgiveness. At church, the sermon was over forgiveness. At Bible study, the theme was forgiving others. The Netflix movie I got in this week was... wait for it... Unforgiven with Clint Eastwood. I was detecting a slight pattern, and for good reason. This week has been a trying week as far as people go for me. I have felt trampled by a stampede of follies done by those I truly care about, beat up and left out in the cold over stupid stuff and it has left me a wee bit cynical and grouchy, and that is not something I want to foster! I want my inner self to filled with joy and peace and happiness and ice cream. Something has to be done!

So how do you really forgive someone in your heart and in your actions when the result of their problems have left you broken, alone, and disappointed? Is it simply enough to say, "It's all good," and try and direct the water under the bridge? Should we ignore it altogether and let bygones be bygones? Or, should we attempt to replace all of the brokenness with pieces of other broken things and mend it ourselves? 

To answer, I thought of the way Jesus forgave us for our betrayal through sin. After all, no matter what attrocities man commits on another man, it will never be like the fall man made between he and God by way of sin. And He forgave us through sacrifice, in what was indeed the humblest act a man can do. Likewise, as we are hurt by the arrows of others, our response should not be anger, but humility. We should not attempt retaliation, but sacrifice. I Peter 5:6 says, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time, He might exalt you..." And somehow, through God's amazing and infinitely incredible ways, He will exalt those who humble themselves.

It still hurts, there's no doubting that. But when a friend or loved one betrays you with their love, it is only an opportunity to humble ourselves and allow God to piece the brokeness back together. Embarrassment or humiliation is one of the first things we feel when our trust or love is betrayed, and it may seem counter productive to humble ourselves even further, but it is God's way of exalting us up when the time is right even more. God told me today that I need to learn how to truly forgive others and put bad blood aside for him to deal with justly, and something that profound can only be accomplished when we are less, and He, is more.

KB

New Year's New Stuff

I jot this year's first thought of the blog down on my cellphone of all things. Its small keyboard and cracked screen means that my grammar will be sub par or at very best, horribly misspelled. But then again, who needs grammar or punctuation during this new decade? Pff, laptops are so last decade... I'm moving forward with technology, I'm conforming to the new wave of blog-ology. I'm blogging on the go!

But it is only the beginning of the changes this year. I have vowed to keep up with the times and even follow the trends - books with pages are out and Amazon Kindle is in, music from CD's belong on display in a museum, and only people stuck in the 00's still has a MySpace. We welcome a time where even the New Year's ball has LED, Hi-Def wattage and offers free Wi-Fi. I suppose in light of that, typing out the latest blog post on my phone doesn't seem so crazy after all.

Of course with all this change, there's bound to be people unsure or at least worried about what the future may hold. Who knows, maybe the Detroit Lions have a shot at the superbowl at this pace! Hopefully, though, I can alleviate some of those fears of the new year for you...
1) First the Detroit Lions have as good of a chance as I have of taking up Chinese mathematics. May your betting rest assured it won't happen.
2) Jay Leno is still on the AND we have Conan O'Brian. Fear not, we won't be stuck with infomercials before bedtime.
3) There are no major elections in 2011. That means fewer campaign commercials and lawn posters. This also means fewer free agent politicians. Who couldn't use fewer politicians milling about?

See, 2011 isn't going to be that bad!

But no matter what changes or lack thereof bombard our day to day groove, our God is as faithful as he was in 2010, as constant as he was in 1997, and as sturdy as he was in 1983. While it's hard with each passing year to remember that God is still in control, remember, he still is. It's easy with all the uneasiness, fear, and uncertainty at times to forget that God still looks after his creation and is faithful to us all.

I'm not worried about the new year. In fact, I think I may be excited for it. Who knows what may happen? Those Lions may take us by surprise and Leno may actually retire. Who knows? Life will keep rolling; trying to make it fit my own agenda, well that's vanity. Remembering God's faithfulness in every new year, for every new season; well that's truly living! Happy new year, and may the God of our yesterday put at ease the fears of our future, now.

KB

God as made everything beautiful in its season. Everything beautiful in its own season! -Ecclesiastes 3:11, loose translation

Home for the Holidays

I was wondering this week about what it means to truly be at home. The beauty of the phrase, "welcome home" is never more appreciated than when said to someone like a college student who has been deprived of a comfortable bed and real food for months on end (believe me, you start to miss those things real fast!). "Welcome home," is a phrase that, when said to it's full capacity, is one of the most wonderful things to hear. Like when it is said to a soldier coming home from duty, or to a newborn being brought home from the hospital, a loved one entering in the Pearly Gates of Heaven, or, in my case, a starving college student who has forget what real roast tastes like! "Welcome Home!"

I wonder if Jesus ever really felt at home here on this earth. For instance, think about the time when Jesus' parents lost track of him in Jerusalem when he was just a boy and found him at the Temple of all places. When they scolded him for running off, Jesus looked up - probably shrugged - and said, "Don't you know I would be at my Father's house?" (Luke 2:49, Kyle's New International Version). His home was at the Temple, at church, among his Father's presence. So I wonder what it was like when Jesus went back to Mary and Joseph's house at the end of a long day and they would say, "Welcome home, Jesus!" Where did Jesus really call home?

It's not surprising that people travel during the holidays to be with family; 16.5 million one way trips according the Bureau of Transportations to be exact! This year, you may even be traveling to and from places, maybe for family or (gasps) skipping Christmas for vacation! (which is probably the safest thing you could do with all those crazy bargain shoppers milling about at Christmas time). Point is, I'm sure a lot of people will be hearing the words, "Welcome home!" or something of the like. It is a time to come together, after all, and celebrate our Savior with community. Yet, no matter where we end up for the holidays, the words "welcome home" can still be true.

Jesus' concept of home isn't a physical location. At least, it isn't a geographic location. It's an anatomic location. Home is in your heart, when you are among the presence of the LORD. 2 Corinthians 5:6-8 has Paul saying that he would rather be in the presence of the Almighty than away from him in just the flesh. God's presence makes a home inside our hearts, a home He wants to share with you and I. The amazing thing about Jesus' birth to me is that he left Heaven, a wonderful and beautiful and glory filled place, to live on this filthy and fouled up planet. I would think a transition like that would be depressing - to go from glorious Heaven to, well, here. But when Jesus came to this planet, he made a home not in a geographic location, but in the hearts of men, a home he intended to share with you.

This Christmas, when you hear, "Welcome home!" may it not just describe where you are, but also the condition of your heart. Ultimately, Christmas is a time when we celebrate Jesus entering this world, making earth his home for a period of time. I invite you to let Jesus make part of his home in your heart as well. If anyone knows what home feels like, it was Jesus, a man who made a home both in heaven, on earth, and in the hearts of men so that he might redeem man from all the mistakes, faults, problems, issues, sin, deceit, and garbage man has made. Baby Jesus - the ultimate homemaker and mender of hearts!

Merry Christmas, and Welcome Home!

KB

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, 
"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." Luke 2:13-14

Traditional Christmas

Merry Christmas America! It's that time of the year to dust off the ornaments and staple coniferous branches to your wall in celebration of Jesus' birth. This year, like every year, I along with millions of other Americans will celebrate a holiday about our Lord and Savior with fudge, discounted gift items, and the smell of gingerbread. It's ironic that Jesus probably didn't see a single one of these things during his lifetime yet they are symbols of a holiday surrounding his birth. God bless America!

This year, I have decided to make my dedication to Christmas official. How?  I bought my first Christmas tree of course! Every year, 34-36 million Christmas trees are produced to keep up with the demand of them at Christmas time - I got one in my room covered, wrapped, bedazzled, and glowing as we speak. Of course the Christmas madness doesn't end there: over 3 billion Christmas cards will be sent this year in America. On average, each household sends 28 cards to family, friends, and people they want money from and in return, will receive about 28 cards from family, friends, and people who want money from them. Also, 31 percent of diamond sales are made during the season of Christmas, more than any other time of the year (Having worked in a jewelry store, I can validate this one; it's a tiring and hectic time for the diamond people!). In one Gallup poll, 60 percent of American households believed they would spend at least 500 dollars on gifts in 2000.

Oh, we are just scratching the surface here.

This year, "A Wonderful Life" will appear on TV more than any other holiday movie, people will walk approximately five miles in store parking lots during Christmas, 400,000 illnesses during the holiday will be because of spoilt food, and people in Mexico will wear red underpants for luck. Notice that none of those traditions have anything to do with the actual birth of Jesus Christ. Strange, seeing as it is a holiday dedicated to him.

However, one tradition I find myself constantly falling into is the tradition of "rediscovering" the meaning of Christmas. I fall away from the heart of it all, consumed by presents and packages, boxes and bows, Who stockings and roast beast (for all you Grinch fans like me). And I always find myself remembering that the heart of Christmas is really about Jesus, and his birth as a man in a manger so that he might be redemption for all people. It's a frustrating cycle: Christmas glam, gifts, guilt, remembering Christmas, Jesus, turkey dinner. But this year, I want the cycle to change.

Christmas traditions are wonderful things. The spirit of giving and love for each other is greatest around the holiday times. In fact, fewer people see therapists and have psychological meltdowns around the holidays. So why aren't we embracing that aspect of Christmas sooner rather than later? The heart of the holiday is Jesus Christ and his gracious and mind blowing act of mercy of coming to earth in the form of a baby. Beyond that, all the glam and charm of Christmas is a mere addition. Most of us have been blessed to enjoy those extra Christmas traditions, no matter how silly they are. So why not enjoy them with the spirit of Christ instead of just the spirit of Christmas?


In short, may we start this holiday season with a spirit of Christ. Things are tough in the world right now, more than usual. What a perfect time to dwell on the power of God and not the power of man. With all our gift buying, tree decorating, lighted homes, and gift exchanges, may the focus start with Christ, and the other traditions be a mere afterthought. This year, I pray we may find ourselves engulfed in Christ first, and then having to rediscover the glam and glitter of Christmas later on instead. May we start with Christ, and let him be our guide into this amazing holiday!

KB

"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill to all men." Luke 2:14


Merry Christmas!

Simple Thanks

I was sitting in the school library, speechless at what I just heard. Not that amazed kind of speechless or that wind-knocked-out-of-you speechless. It was more like a sympathetic kind of speechless. For the last couple of days I have been working with a nonprofit, service organization called Wings for L.I.F.E based in Roswell, New Mexico. They work primarily with children whose parents have been in and out of jail or come from situations where their family is usually incarcerated. As an aspiring psychologist, being objective is key; you can't let stuff get to you, or so I've been told. And for the record I'm pretty good at it.

But not this time.

All the kids were leaving or were being picked up from the program except three siblings. As some of the volunteer helpers were giving them some supplies for school, I asked about their story so I could get a baseline of what kind of problems they were facing. Their story: no parents, no family, in and out of jail themselves (some had multiple arrests by the age of 10), and they were sleeping on the floor of their grandparent's living room with little food in the house and no school supplies. This is how they will spend Thanksgiving this year.

This week, I've had the humbling privilege of working with kids like this. Never have I ever had to worry about where the next meal will come from, who if anyone will remember to pick me up from school, or how I will avoid getting abused. Never have I ever had to think if I will make it to adulthood and never have I ever had to worry about what options if any I will have once I make it there. Never have I ever had to worry about knowing what I was thankful for during Thanksgiving. But most of these kids do.

Never have I ever had to worry about being thankful. I used to think that not being thankful for something meant I was a selfish kid, but this week has challenged me - what if you have a hard time being thankful for anything because you have been given nothing to be thankful for in the first place? Most of these kids I got to work with don't know the saving grace of Jesus Christ, or have a family that cares, or even have a family at all. They ache for attention, they long for someone to love them, but they never get either. One girl was so wanting attention that she would bite herself and show off her wounds to get attention - she was 7. Another girl lost her mother the year before in a traffic accident that could have been avoided - she was 10. One boy's father was incarcerated for gang related behavior which made him weary of all men and possibly even weary of trusting in God - he was 9. These kids will have a hard time knowing what to be thankful for this year, if anything. Me? I'll have hard time finding something to not be thankful for.

So, listening to the story of the siblings without a home made me speechless. But what made me speechless wasn't that these kids necessarily came from a broken home, albeit it is very tough to hear. What made me speechless was that despite these kids coming from some of the worst situations imaginable, they still found something to be thankful for. They still found something to be thankful for something. As we went around in a circle saying what we were thankful for, I wondered what these kids would say. What did they say when I asked them what they were thankful for?

"I'm thankful for you."

What a humbling statement!

What are you thankful for this year? I am thankful for a lot of things, more things than I think I could count. If you're like me, then you might have a hard time this year finding something to not be thankful for. For some people, it might be hard to find something at all to be thankful for this year. But if God has taught me anything about thanksgiving, it is that the simplest act of compassion, the simplest act of attention, or the simplest act of care that you give someone might be the thing they're most thankful for this year.

Just as our Savior's act of compassion on the cross is the most love this world has ever seen!

And for that, I'm thankful.

KB

You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God -2 Corinthians 9:11

Hero for a Day

This is a narrative I wrote several months ago and entered it into a national contest on satire and humor writing. I have no idea how it did because, unfortunately, I forgot the name of the contest and I'm pretty sure I gave them the wrong email address for more information on the contest. Subsequently, this satire is out there, lost in a sea of other internet stories and poetic quips without names. Moral of the story - write things down! But I remembered I have a blog and so I put it up on here for your reading pleasure. It's not my usual type of post, but I hope you enjoy it's twist! 


"Hero for a Day"

In a far-away village
Next to the town of Dool,
Was a knight named Dillage
Who was never mistaken for a fool.
He was a dashingly handsome man
With a dashingly handsome plan
That would make him hero for the day.

In a castle lay his prize,
Guarded by fearsome ghouls,
A princess with shimmering eyes
Which shined like jewels!
To the castle he'd take flight
And save the princess that night
That would prove him hero for the day.

Upon trusty steed,
Sir Dillage rode across the plains
So he might carry out the deed
Which would win his acclaim.
The townsfolk would adore him
And the Princess would love him
And he'd become hero for the day.

"S-s-s-stop! Who goes there?"
Said a timid voice from behind the castle wall.
"I, Sir Dillage am here,
To save the princess from that tower that is so tall!
The dragon I will slay
And villains too, I might just say,
And become hero for the day!"

Just then, from behind the wall
Came little Leroy, the grounds keeper
Who was barely five feet tall
But the land's biggest pip-squeaker!
At Leroy, Sir Dillage did laugh,
For he was just a runt, small & daft
And wouldn't stop him from being hero for the day.

As Dillage went past with a shove,
Leroy began to cry,
For the princess he did love
And save her he dare not try.
For he was a weak, young lad
And fighting skills he did not have
To be hero for a day.

As hours ticked & minutes passed,
Leroy knew what would happen.
That Dillage would come back fast
With the princess in good fashion.
Only Dillage would the princess adore
And have need for Leroy no more
And Sir Dillage would be hero for a day.

But lo-and-behold
Sir Dillage came back by himself!
And unlike Dillage was told,
There wasn't any wealth.
He rode by angrily
And gave Leroy the foulest look as can be,
For he wasn't hero for the day.

"I knew it!" Leroy shouted.
"The princess loved me after all!
Her love for me was not doubted
I'll go to her, to that tower so tall."
Up the steps he climbed,
Rehearsing what he'd say so it would rhyme,
Because he'd become hero for the day.

But as he burst through the tower door,
Things were different than he thought.
The princess nagged Leroy to the floor;
She was just a dreadful snot!
It was either her dress wasn't pretty enough
Or the sun on her skin was too rough
And she always demanded her hero for the day.

It is no surprise Leroy didn't last.
NO ONE could take the princess for long.
He fled the castle fast
So his life he'd prolong.
From afar she was a buttercup,
But there was a reason she was locked up,
And never found her hero for the day!

KB

"Better to live on the corner of the roof than in the house with a quarrelsome wife." -Proverbs 21:9

Lightbulbs

Fifty-five thousand fans screamed all around me at Jones AT&T Stadium in Lubbock, Texas at the Texas Tech/Missouri game this week. For the first time in, well, a long time, Texas Tech actually played good football! We aren't known for our pristine record mind you, so an opportunity to scream and yell and actually see results down on the field, well that's just rewarding. However, during the lulling moments of the game where nothing spectacular was going on or our quarterback dropped yet another pass too far to the left, I sat there thinking, particularly about light bulbs. Those really massive, gigantic lightbulbs that power stadium lights and signal airplanes to stay away from the tops of towers or tall buildings. Those kind of lightbulbs.

Who changes those?

It's the age old joke, "How many ____ does it take to change lightbulb?" Like, "How many joke writers does it take to change a lightbulb? Answer: Two hundred but don't ask why, we haven't figured it out." Or, "How many Church of Christ elders does it take to change a lightbulb? Answer: 'Change? Who wants to change?'" (compliments of my Bible professor). I'll spare you any more lame jokes. But in all truth, how many men does it take to change that lightbulb way up at the top of, say, the Empire State Building? Answer: just one.

Last guy I found who did it was a guy by the name of Deke Johnson. He was paid (substantially I hope) to climb over 1,300 feet (that's over a quarter of a mile) up in the air to the very top of the Empire State Building and change the lightbulb that signals planes and helicopters to stay away from hitting the building. The bulb he used was over 600 watts, the size of a grapefruit. The fun part is, of course, the last 80 foot climb where all he had to climb on were pencil-sized bolts. This is a job that I'm sure requires life insurance as a prerequisite.

One must get to thinking a quarter of a mile up there, above literally everything else. The view is phenomenal, the job is exhilarating, the story is one of a kind. This man, whom you've probably never heard of before, has seen the world from an angle that you and I will probably never get to see, at lengths you and I will most likely never go to see it. And even though you've never heard of Deke Johnson until now, his job has probably saved countless lives, ensuring aircraft don't accidentally hit the building. Likewise, we as Christians play an interesting role in this life, one that is unique to us in our respective perspectives and lengths. We each have been given a light, the light of Salvation, and are given the job to use that light to save and help others. We may not gain great recognition, we may not gain great acclaim, we may not even get great benefits from it ourselves. However, what we do with that life might save others and help us see the world from a greater perspective than we've ever seen it before.

So, this week, may you go great lengths and travel the heights in order to share your light. Salvation is a gift that we've been given with the intention that we share it with the rest of the world. Sharing it will be the most fulfilling thing you've ever done, I assure you. The journey you embark on to do so will be unique and special to you - it will be a journey built for you, with specific challenges and triumph that you can testify to. Furthermore, it will allow you to see the world like you've never seen it before. May you enjoy sharing the light of Salvation with the world, and enjoy the view from up top!

KB

"You are the light on a hill. A city that cannot be hidden." Matthew 5:14

Stretched for Resources

The name "At Wit's End," is pretty cliche' for a blog, I know. Why did I name it that? Great question. I was stumped at what to call it, I asked Google to spit out a cheesy title, and Google delivered! Mission accomplished! When I named this blog "At Wit's End," I didn't think of how truly accurate the title was going to be. At one point, it was called "Life's Little Lessons" or something cute along those lines, but "At Wit's End" just described it so much better, so the name stuck. From the day that I started writing this blog to the day I am publishing this latest post, nothing has slowed down or gotten easier - I always feel that I am on my wit's end! And today is no exception.

Type in "busy" into Google news search. Today's search results bring up busy elections, busy baseball teams, busy hurricane seasons, and the arrest of a man dressed as the Hamburgler (not even Google can be pinpoint accurate all the time!). We live in a busy world with busy stuff doing busy things! So what happens when you are convicted to do something for somebody but you have no time or resources to do anything to help them?

I think in college, the value of a dollar sky rockets. Heck, today I bought a blazer for only seven dollars, SEVEN DOLLARS! Only in college! I also think that the value of time becomes increasingly important with age; after all, every second we've lived is one less second we get to live- we should make the most of the time we have now. However, college is also a period where time and resources are scarce. All your money is going to overpriced textbooks and all your time is going into reading those overpriced text books. But I have to say, just because time and money is scarce doesn't mean that heart is - in fact, there's never been a time when I've seen heart bigger. 

Maybe it's because we live out of Raamen noodle cups and hand-me-down thrift stores, but college students, to me, have a better understanding of what it means to have each other than what it means to have things. And this week, I've looked around and seen folks that have needed a miracle now more than they've ever needed one before. But what is different about college students than a lot of people on this earth is that selfless, genuine college kids are typically a community that gives what they have, if and when they have it, and supports each other in a very real and physical way because they understand what it means to not have a whole lot. No checks to a non-profit group. No donations to charity. No pamphlets on where to get help. 

Real, physical help.

But so often, we are quite literally too busy and too conflicted to actually help out everybody who needs help, which leads us back to the question - what do you do when you are moved to help out this world but have neither the time nor the resources to be able to help?

Community.

Which is quite literally all around us. Often the people we see everyday are people who are just as in need as we are, but neither them nor us care to let it be known that we need each other. But in truth, we all do. Psychological studies have shown that people perform better, stronger, and more efficiently when their peers encourage them. We are all given the chance to do that- to uplift and encourage. That takes little time and effort, even less money, and a heart for each other. So this week, when your heart is convicted and your time and resources are conflicted, encourage and uplift each other. Be a community built to uplift each other. I think if we did, we'd be surprised at how valuable it turns out to be!

Oh and if you ever wanna send a starving college kid a check, don't hesitate!

KB

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the Law of Christ." Galatians 6:2

The Why

Over the year and a half that I've been blogging, I've talked about a lot of things. Most were senseless, like my explanation of God killing teenagers for making fun of bald men. Some were actually pretty interesting to write, like the guy who has seen over 300 state executions in his life. Others, like this one, mean a lot to me. And over the course of my writing and blogging experience, I've spread my wings over a multitude of topics and ideas and I gotta admit, it's been pretty fun. One thing that I have not talked about, though, has been why I write what I write. Or for that matter, why I write at all. In order to understand that, it must be answered with a question.

What does it take to write?

Answer: a finger. You don't even need them all! Just one will do. Any one of them, just pick one, and start typing away at your keyboard with it. Write whatever is on your heart with it. That's really all you need.

The reason I write is simply because I can. In starting this blog, I never thought it would gain very many readers. Today, there is a steady following; more than I could have ever imagined. And even still, I'm a blip in the radar of writers out there. According to one site, there are over 126 million blogs out there and still another site said that 18.6 new blog postings go up each second, equalling roughly 1.6 million per day. Consider today's little blog posting one in a million (pun intended)!

I love the readership, so thank you for killing time on my blog today! But what I think I love even more than that is writing itself. This is what I do. This is who I am. This is what I love. But I am not alone.

As I've said before, we each have a story within us itching at the bit to be told. And what I love more than readership, more than writing, and yes, even more than rootbeer, is hearing someone tell their story in their own way. It doesn't take much - really it doesn't! It just takes you, being you, telling the story about how you became you. For those redeemed by the blood of Christ, our story is all the more exciting, and redeeming! We have a message within each of us that far surpasses anything that we could conjure up with human minds or earthly creativity. We have a story that is bigger than us, and is orchastrated by the greatest story-teller of them all! That, my friends, is an epic story, far better than anything off broadway or television or (gasps) JERSEY SHORE!

So tell your story, in the way you write best - whether it be with words or actions, letters or numbers, smiles or grins - and listen to the stories being told every day by every person. By doing this, you get to leave the imprint of who you are and where you've come from on others and get to be molded by the life of those around you as well. It's what makes humans who we are, so go out there and experience story.

And that is why I write!

my small story

here is my small story,

smallest and meekest of all.

some of the details are gory,

and others will enthrall.

it is my small story which i will tell,

with a conclusion that i get to spell.

here is my small story,

smallest and meekest of all.

and if you look closely at my story,

you'll find it was HIS glory, strongest of all!

KB

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the LORD, not for men." - Colossians 3:23

Freeze Framing

My nose itched, my foot trembled, I was crushing my friend Morgan under the weight of my dress shoes on top of her heels, a guy just stabbed himself, and I had to go to the bathroom.

And this was the third time this situation happened this week alone!

I've never been in a musical before. I've never really thought about looking to be in a musical for that matter. And it wasn't like I had much time to think about being in a musical before I was given a costume and props and told to sing in front of several hundred people. Apparently that was the strategy used by my directors to get me on stage, and it worked devilishly well I might add! Now, I was standing in front of several hundred people in a freeze frame on stage, pretending to hold back a bunch of "townspeople" from intruding on the climax of the musical. All I can remember, though, is how bad my nose itched... and how bad I had to use the bathroom!

Frozen and contorted in the most awkward positions, my fellow actors and I did our best to stand still while the leads played out a dramatic death scene. I can't tell you what the scene looks like. Not because I don't want to give away the ending of the play, it's just that I've never actually seen this scene before. My back has been turned to the scene every time we've rehearsed it. And somehow, I managed to place myself in such a way that exerts the optimum about of physical pain on my body. Either someone's stepping on my foot, clawing at my arm, squishing me between someone else, or is falling on top of me. Twenty-five rehearsals later and I'm thinking that worker's compensation is a bright alternative for me!

It's the most important scene in the whole performance, and as an extra for the scene, frozen and contorted in painful glory, it's easy to forget what the scene is going on behind us. Much like our lives, we play our part, the same one we've played hundreds of times before, and easily lose sight of the greater picture behind us. We feel contorted and awkward, with noses itching and people stepping on our toes. But we can not lose sight of the greater picture.

Even though things may feel boring and tedious, awkward and clumsy, or repetitive and dry, there's very possibly an incredible climax going on right behind us, changing hundreds of people's perception of the greater story. At work, at school, around town, the simple and small things we do often have a profound impact on the people watching our "performance." It's easy to forget that we are constantly under the scrutiny of other people and that we are contributing members to a greater story. But in those tiring and sometimes dull moments, a great climax is taking place right behind us! So keep standing, keep giving it your all, and if you have to itch your nose during the middle of a performance, avoid scratching it at all costs!

"Consider now, for the Lord has chosen you to build a temple as his sanctuary; be courageous and act!" 
I Chronicles 28:10



KB

Well, I'm Back!

3 months 14 days 15 hours and some 45 minutes.

That's how long it's been since I've updated by blog. Sad, I know...

But I can't say that taking a hiatus for a while wasn't bad. It was actually kind of therapeutic. Writing, and art in general, should never feel tiresome or boring or obligatory. It should be free. It should be compelling. It should avoid keeping me from watching Lie to Me Season 2 in the wee hours of the morning and should allow me to enjoy what some people refer to as a "social life." Unfortunately, this blog became my ball and chain... bleh.

Pumping out a fresh, new, witty idea once a week got to be tedious, I'm not going to lie. I starting pulling stuff out of thin air there for a while (i.e. March 17, 2010's posting entitled "Pimp Master Patty." Wow, even my title was lame...). So, after my 3 month, 14 day, 15 hours and now some 46 minutes later, I am returning to the indie publishing that we internet junkies call blogging.

As of right now, I've been writing and publishing blogs for almost a year and a half and although I have yet to seal the deal on my book deal (oh it'll come... eventually...) I continue to write. If you were to stack my blogs end on end at this point, you'd have nearly 40,000 words equaling over 130 pages of sarcasm and sardonic wit. On average, from what I can tell, an average person speaks roughly 6,000 - 7,000 words a day. So, basically my blog postings would take you almost a week to recite if you only read them during casual conversation.

Mercy.

I didn't know I was that wordy. In fact, I seriously doubt I speak 6,000 words a day. I have a hard time believing certain people only speak 6,000 words a day. But whatever the number of words, those words all add up to something - a story. A story that is unique to us as individuals, that no one else can recite for us. No one else can take our story from us. It's an epic story spanning the course of a lifetime with interconnecting plot lines and side stories that intrigue us even more into who we are. Our story is ours to tell, so we might as well do our best to tell in the most epic way possible!

So I'm back to writing I suppose. Somewhere between work, college, responsibilities, and being a ladykiller, I'll find some time to jot something down on here. In the mean time, may you find a way to retell your story in the best way you know how. Don't recycle the same story that everybody's heard over and over again. Don't let your story become stale or boring. Certainly avoid entitling it "Pimp Master Patty" for sure. And, of course as my mantra would say, love to live life.

(Sigh) It feels good to be back blogging.

2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a NEW creation; old things have passed away; behold ALL THINGS have become NEW!


KB

Lesson 1: Wearing Crowns on Your Hands

Life is a dish best served, not waited on.

Steve Dublancia in his New York Times Bestselling book, Waiter Rant, knows exactly what this means. Steve is a waiter and is quick to convey just how painstaking and brutal the service industry is in his weekly blog, Waiter Rant. His life chronicles a series of long and arduous day with unruly and socially unacceptable behaviors enacted by ungrateful, cynical, selfish customers. Think about every waiter you've stiffed in the past, jeered at, mocked at, and complained about. Their daily routine consists of taking the garbage and service delicacies and do it with a smile.

It's the equivalent of being pummeled by roadies and then laughing about it.

Every day.

The service industry is a difficult and trying business to say the least. The level of extravagance and quality that uncaring, undeserving, ungrateful people expect from their peon underlings rises with the population. This world is filled with people who demand good service and fewer people who actually serve. This is unfortunate seeing that the thrill of living it not lived in the gluttonous feastings of quality service, but in the service itself.

It's easy to forget who has what title these days. We've created an overabundance of spectacular names that what we're left with is a sea of people with their own claim to fame. And since everybody is "original," then who's really left to stand out except the ones with no title at all?

Like the story of the princess who tried to win the affection of the kingdom. She lost her title to another princess and as the sash and crown was handed to a different successor. The other princess gracefully accepted her kingdom's rejection and, moving to the successor with tears of disappointment in her eyes, tied the bows in the sash and pinned the glimmering crown in the hair of the new princess. The kingdom below watched her carry the crown to her competitor and were in awe of her sincerity. Their allegiance was already pledged to another, but their hearts were forever wooed by the princess who wore her crown in her hands, not on her head.

No great act can be accomplished from a pedestal, which is why humility is the foundation of honest living. Helen Nielsen once said, "Humility is like underwear, essential, but indecent if it shows." It is the ultimate atribute a person can obtain. Greatness is won perserved not through force, but through delicate, meek action.

Service is an overlooked, unconsidered aspect of daily lives. People don't pay attention to people who serve just like a table at a restaurant hardly remembers their waiter's name, let alone give notice to the waiter's vital proximity to the table's personal conversation. Servers witness people with their guard down and hearts wide open. Parts of life are evident in places and ways never before imagined as a server does their duty. Life and it's complexities are better seen through the looking glass of meek courtesy.

Life is best seen when served, not waited on.

"To become truly great, one must stand with people, not above them." - Charles de Montesquleu

Facebook Phenomenon

Nearly 70%, if not more, of the advertising done for this site is done on Facebook.com. Why? Because Facebook works! It is a phenomenon that is growing rapidly not only in America but throughout the world. It is almost a necessity in today's modern era; if you don't have one, you will. If you say you won't, you'll need one. If you never get one, you'll be way out of touch. It has outgrown being a fad - it has become a way of life. So in stumbling today, I came across some facts about Facebook that astonished me. I now share them with you...



[Source: Online PhD Programs for MashableMashable.com]


Astonishing, huh?


So I encourage you in this remarkable networking world of Facebook, to find a way to live as genuinely in your cyber life as you do in your real life. As Psalm 65:5 reads, "You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness, O God our Savior, the hope of all the ends of the earth, and of the farthest seas..." All the ends of the earth. And the farthest seas. What a distance, one that need I remind you includes Facebook, Myspace, e-mail, text messaging, telephone conversations, and yes, even faxes. 


God is present in all aspects of our lives. So I encourage you this week, if you are part of the 200 million people who check their Facebook accounts daily (and admit it, you are), then keep living that spirit of genuine love that God has poured out for us on the cross. God is not landlocked; his forgiveness extends to the farthest sea and even the web! Happy Facebooking!


KB

Competition for My Heart

What had I done?

That's what I thought as I left the panel of judges who were grading me on my extemporaneous (impromptu) speech at a national competition. It was the third day of this stuff, I had given these impromptu speeches about business, ergonomics, economics, and other assorted boring topics and had progressed to the final round. The top ten. And now, I thought I'd throw it away because of what I'd just said.

Half an hour prior to this moment, I sat alone in my room thinking about how awesome it was that I'd made it this far. Few teams from my region came close to where I was and even fewer placed in national events at this competition. My division of speaking competition contained nearly 200 participants in it alone and I had made it to the top ten. High on cloud nine, I was starting to think I'd been doing pretty well and I had been, but only by the grace of God. The day before this one, in the round to qualify me to the finals, I had bombed the speech. I had no clue what I was talking about and made it up as I went and had no business being in the finals. By the grace of God, I'd made it, so I thought I owed him a little homage for his grace.

I said my prayers and thanked God for what he'd done etc etc. I went to my competition, signed in, faked smiled a lot to people evaluating me, etc etc. Then I was given two topics to speak about and ten minutes to prepare a short speech about them. It was for a business organization so they were topics related as such.

The first question: "How do you run a successful campaign for an office?"

Bleh. I tossed that one.

The second question: "What are your mistakes and what have you done to fix them?"

I stopped. Slamming into me like a bullet, it hit me that I had not done anything to deserve this honor. I had made a mistake on the speech the day before, I had goofed up my speech earlier that morning, I had not let anyone help me prepare for this particular event, and I had not deserved to be in the finals. Moreover, the only reason I was there in the first place was by the grace of God, and I had paid my "homage" to him in a 2 minute prayer earlier that morning. My mistakes were many. My solutions were few. I was a wreck.

I didn't have much to prepare, just a lot of thought and self reflection. I walked into the room with the judges presented my topic and stood there. I could either give them a speech about how I could streamline my business solutions and make my work ergonomic or I could tell them the truth.

I was left with the truth.

I told them I was a wreck. I was prideful, arrogant about the competition, and too headstrong. I gave them a list of reasons not to pick me for the national award. And then I told them I was a religious man, humbled by a gracious God with wonderful patience and for some reason, he saw something in this stupid, prideful head of mine. I thanked them. I walked out. I figured I'd just thrown my competition.

Did I win? No way. I was beat out by a bunch of kids who spoke English as a second language go figure. I don't really care though. I doubt it would have mattered much a year from now anyways. It was the truth, though. I wasn't about to tack on "liar" to the list of mistakes I'd come up with. Although, as I walked down the hall, thinking about how I'd just thrown it away, I was reminded of Moses and the burning bush (Exodus 3). He was a man who thought he'd had it together, humbled by his flaws, and now he stood before holy ground by this burning bush. As Rob Bell comments in his book Velvet Elvis, the burning bush where God called him to deliver the Israelites was a place Moses probably walked by every day. Now, it was holy ground because God was there and Moses fell to his face, humbled by the idea that he did not have it all together.

You may call it a meltdown, but I like to think my speech in front of the judges was more than that. As I walked in, I realized I had too many flaws to talk about in one setting and moreover, the ground I was standing on was holy ground. God was there. And like Moses, I realized how messy my life really was.

Holy ground is not just found in "holy" places. It is all over. We can find it in a sudden realization in a sudden moment that we do not have things together and we do not have a clue what we are doing. Like Moses, we may find that holy place in an area that we pass by daily or it may even be in a place that is new and fresh to us. I hope you find that holy place, that place where God dwells and you can feel him all around. I pray you can hear him as clear as can be, whether it be by a bush or in front of a panel of judges. All ground is holy. It's all a matter of hearing what God is saying there.

Dimples on My Car

The sound of a fender bender is very unique. Television doesn't do it justice, really. To me, it sounds kind of like a large, styrofoam cup being punched by Lou Ferigno. Or at least, this was the sound my car made when a large F-150 backed into it in the parking lot of a bank. I guess in a very figurative sense, that is kind of what happened. Big truck meets little car and crunch. This is also exactly how I described it to the police officer when he arrived to fill out an accident report, although I don't think he got the pun.

Fender benders are kind of like wedgies - nobody likes them and they won't go away until you deal with them, which you will eventually have to do. The damages to my car were pretty minimal; in fact, it actually gives me a pretty good excuse to fix my fender, a chore I've been meaning to do for a while (albeit at my expense). This does not mean, though, that I wasn't angry. Ask the rookie I'm training to take over my job. She was with me when it happened, first week on the job, and experienced just how vocal I can be at times. I believe the words I first said were:

"YOU &#$*@ #!%@ !"


or something like that.

But what are you going to do? I had no choice but to wait there and pick the wedgie life just gave me.

I sent off my trainee to run an errand down the street. I sat down on the curb, waiting for the police report, while the other driver sat down and whipped out a pack of cigarettes. I thought about asking for one too, although I can barely concentrate the air from a sauna in my lungs without throwing a gagging fit, so I doubted I would handle Marlboros. I had nothing to do, so I prayed, mostly to get my mind off it.

"Pretty bad day, eh God?"

"Well, you didn't lose a friend today, kiddo. And you still have breath in your lungs. Looks like reason to celebrate to me."

And that's all that shut me up. I'm not sure what exactly happened in that moment. Maybe the realization that I know many families who have it much worse today. Maybe I realized that there was nothing I could do to prevent the life wedgie now, so I'd have to pick it. Maybe I just realized that God had a point! And so, that's all that shut me up.

The rest of the procedure went really well. The other driver was really nice and we spent most of the that time laughing and making jokes about how my trainee was being initiated into her new job. I looked at my car that night, thinking about how I saved up to buy it for nearly five years and bought it with my own money. That didn't make me more upset, though. It didn't bother me at all.

In fact, the dent was really actually pretty profound. It looks kind of like a dimple on a smiling cheek. That means something to me because I grew up most of my life with my family always making fun of the dimple on my cheek when I smiled. And in it's own weird, crazy way, it means a lot to me. It reminds me of me.

I am like the car. God is the owner. He buys me used, beaten up, and slightly worn around the edges for a low price of Jesus' death. Not a bad deal, right? But then, I drive off and get in fender benders, marking up my paint job and body work. But somehow, what others see as dents and body damage, God sees as dimples on a fender and he doesn't mind it. It gives the vehicles character. It gives it pizazz. It doesn't de-value the car; to Him, it only increases the value.

So, when life gives you a wedgie, pick it out and remember that God sees you as much more than just a beat up sinner - he sees you as his beat up sinner. And that couldn't make him happier!

KB