Forgiveness When It Hurts

"Forgive, as God forgave you," isn't easy. I mean, that means actually saying everything's fine, and mean it, when it's really not. How ridiculous. I always thought that verse was regarding all those petty things that go on, like that nimrod who cuts me off on the freeway or lady who gives me a nasty look in Wal-Mart as I cross the crosswalk or even that guy who takes FOREVER at the Redbox deciding on what movie to get. That stuff is easy. I grumble, I feel bad, then I say, "It's all good." But when things get personal, it's not so easy. Such is the call in Colossians 3:13 that says, "Make allowances for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you..." It's a pretty basic scripture at face value, but here's why it's so difficult.

How do we make allowance for other's faults when our love for them has been betrayed?

In theory, it's pretty easy. Just say, "It's all good." But what if it isn't all good? Wouldn't it then be considered a lie? Thus, you would not only be lying but also be in unforgiveness? And wouldn't that lead to further lies, suppressed anger, possible hatred hidden in our heart? And if that was the case then wouldn't that be doubly sinning? And if we just shrugged it off, wouldn't we then be hiding hardness in our hearts, saving all the anger and/or disappointment in said loved one for a later day? 

See? It's not so easy anymore. 

In my quiet time this week, the reoccurring theme has been about forgiveness. At church, the sermon was over forgiveness. At Bible study, the theme was forgiving others. The Netflix movie I got in this week was... wait for it... Unforgiven with Clint Eastwood. I was detecting a slight pattern, and for good reason. This week has been a trying week as far as people go for me. I have felt trampled by a stampede of follies done by those I truly care about, beat up and left out in the cold over stupid stuff and it has left me a wee bit cynical and grouchy, and that is not something I want to foster! I want my inner self to filled with joy and peace and happiness and ice cream. Something has to be done!

So how do you really forgive someone in your heart and in your actions when the result of their problems have left you broken, alone, and disappointed? Is it simply enough to say, "It's all good," and try and direct the water under the bridge? Should we ignore it altogether and let bygones be bygones? Or, should we attempt to replace all of the brokenness with pieces of other broken things and mend it ourselves? 

To answer, I thought of the way Jesus forgave us for our betrayal through sin. After all, no matter what attrocities man commits on another man, it will never be like the fall man made between he and God by way of sin. And He forgave us through sacrifice, in what was indeed the humblest act a man can do. Likewise, as we are hurt by the arrows of others, our response should not be anger, but humility. We should not attempt retaliation, but sacrifice. I Peter 5:6 says, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time, He might exalt you..." And somehow, through God's amazing and infinitely incredible ways, He will exalt those who humble themselves.

It still hurts, there's no doubting that. But when a friend or loved one betrays you with their love, it is only an opportunity to humble ourselves and allow God to piece the brokeness back together. Embarrassment or humiliation is one of the first things we feel when our trust or love is betrayed, and it may seem counter productive to humble ourselves even further, but it is God's way of exalting us up when the time is right even more. God told me today that I need to learn how to truly forgive others and put bad blood aside for him to deal with justly, and something that profound can only be accomplished when we are less, and He, is more.

KB