The Heart of the Matter

The heart is a funny thing. It literally supplies the body with all the life giving nutrients it needs to survive the day. Without it, one would cease to function and cease all normal activity immediately. The appendix is the unwanted sibling of the organs; it has no known purpose except to swell up or something and explode. The tonsils are useful not only act as a lymph node, but also to cause sore throats and weeks of Jell-o consumtion. Even the brain acts as a vital tool to functioning in everyday life, yet, I've come to realize that fewer and fewer people use their brains. The heart, on the other hand, is something we cannot control. No matter how hard you try, you cannot force or stop a beat- it is all involuntary.

For me, this week, the heart has been a matter of concern. My mother has for years dealt with what is called Sick Sinus of the Heart, which is basically irregular beating of the heart. My Grandmother was admitted to the hospital this week because she suffered a series of small heart attacks in succession. My other Grandmother has had heart issues for years and is currently dealing with the doctors on this. I, myself, have been trying to overcome irregular beating and chest pains due to my heart. The tough part is, we, in and of our own consent, cannot control it, we can only diagnose problems or medicate a condition. It is really out of our control.

You know what I found out about heart problems, though? People freak. None of us with heart problems are that worried about it. My Grandmother got the news that she needed an aortic transplant- serious, life threatening surgery- and immediately scheduled a perm. "I need to look good if I'm going down! I'm gunna go down in style, sweetie!" Words of a wise woman. But people really freak out when I tell them I have heart troubles. Not that I don't like the prayers, Lord knows I need them. It honestly doesn't bother me though; no matter what happens, I know it's all in God's hands.

Anyways, with all this concern about something one can't control, I see a lot of fear too. I'm not downing on anybody who's been praying for me, please keep it up, but don't freak out! Moral should be that no matter what the problem, we should enjoy having a problem. For instance, I was having an echocardiogram done on my heart. Basically, this is when they spread jelly on you like toast and look to see if you have a heart. For all the skeptics out there, yes, I have a heart. I was surprised too. Then I had a stress test. They hooked me up to a bunch of wires like I were the bionic man and made me walk on an incline until I almost passed out. Apparently it was nurse training day, so I had about five other people in the room examining how out of shape I was. Boost to the ego. Finally, how about the heart moniter they hooked me up to for 48 hours that resembled a fanny-pack/walkman? This wonderful piece of equipment was glued onto my chest using crazy glue and industrial strength adhesive because I think I ripped the entire first layer of skin on my chest completely off when I removed it. The joys of modern medicine.

At any rate, I love what my Grandmother said- if I'm gunna go down, I gotta do it with a smile on my face. Not that I am going down, of course, or she is either, but point is, life is too long not to laugh, and life is too short not to laugh. This is a mantra I live with day after day and write about all the time, but at it's always good to reaffirm. It's not about smiling all the time, but discovering true joy. Finding true satisfaction, whether it be in the petty nuances of the day or the dramatic moments of the greater picture, that is truly living. That is the heart of the matter. So here's to figuring out your problem. I hope it's as fun as mine!

KB

***REVISION: I wrote this blog only hours before an acquaintence of mine passed away from meningitis. Kierra Lopez was only 17 years old. I don't claim to have close ties with her, but we were in several classes together and knew each other well. I remember the last time I saw her was just three or four days prior. She was dancing, full of life, and fun as always. When the news of her death hit, it was sudden and shocking. It helped me realize that life has no garuntees on time limits and throws curve balls at will. So if that isn't incentive enough to live life to the fullest, most joy-filled abilities, then I don't know what is. Proud to say, Kierra lived a life that resembled a joy-filled, blessed life every time I saw her. Kierra, you will always be remembered.