Canvasing the Word

I often come to these blogs with a moral lesson taken from something I had read or heard that week or an analogy that is unique or quirky. This week, I don't have that. I don't feel that there is any one thing I can write that will fully encompass what I feel this week, no specific analogy or specific story to start off with. But the beauty of non-specifics is that it truly allows God to be God. I have sported this blog now for almost three years and have filled it with my thoughts on life, God, and people. But it's tragic, really, to think that those single, weekly thoughts encompass really all of the aspects of life. I've caught myself seeing the world, seeing life, in these one chapter, section by section moments. By that, I mean I've caught myself seeing life as all good or all bad or all ugly for that specific time. When you do that, it's easy to see God's will or life's plans in dainty little segments where we either feel that we are Moses, standing victorious on the other side of the Red Sea having just freed the Israelites, or that we are Job, lowly and miserable and heartbroken by the trials and tests we are going through. But this week, I feel it would be a tragedy to look at life in the moment, that it is either "all good" or "all bad" or just plain ugly for that day, because when we do that, we miss the bigger picture. We only see the small snapshots of God's plan and ultimately canvas His glory into little, bite-sized quantities. We take the "God" out of God.

Over the course of this week, things have been up and things have been down. I saw the most beautiful portrait of nature that God has ever created and saw the most broken and heart wrenching trial I have ever seen God put someone through. The world itself saw a global tragedy tear through continents and kill thousands of people, but it also saw the greatest global effort to revive a broken people, bringing enemies together to save enemies. If we just took the snapshots of the week, it would either look entirely grim or entirely beautiful. We would miss the dichotomy, we would miss the teamwork of good and bad, we wouldn't see the whole picture. Life is a lot like Reese's cups. The peanut butter by itself is okay, the chocolate by itself is okay, but they are only great when combined. Good and bad are only truly amazing - and we can only see God is truly at work - when we see them together.

Take a look at Philippians. Paul writes here and sees something truly beautiful:

⁷ But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸ What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in^[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. (Philippians 3 NIV)

Allow me interpret it this way:

7 But whatever was beautiful, the things I found most awesome, I now see as glib and small compared to Christ. 8 Furthermore, I say it's all nothing because of how great, how "everything," Christ Jesus is to me, who I would sacrifice everything for. The good, bad, and ugly is nothing, garbage!, compared to who Christ is. 9 There is nothing in me that is worthy of his love, nothing I've done or said. But, through faith, through constancy, through love in Christ - I do have that righteousness, through him alone! (Philippians 3 NKV: New Kyle Version)

Paul found something here. He found out what it is to see the whole picture. He found that life in Christ brings him to a redemption he neither deserved nor could attain or get by himself. The good he had done wasn't worthy of God's love, the bad certainly wasn't, and the ugly situations he faced (like being stoned and beaten for Christ) only made the message of Christ's redemption more beautiful.

And that is what is truly beautiful about life! That the culmination of the good things we do and the bad things we do will never be worthy of God's love. But he gives it anyways, even in the ugliest, nastiest moments in our life he gives it anyway. And that's what's beautiful. That is what we miss when we push aside everything around us and focus on the small, day-to-day snapshots of life. Day-to-day, we won't know if life will be a great or if it will be miserable. When we look at the day-to-day, it's nothing more than a mere gamble - will it be good or bad today? Yet the painting we see in the background, when we pan out and look at life in Christ in its entirety, we see the most beautiful thing yet - grace. A grace we miss out on when caught on in the bulk of activities. A grace I didn't see until God shut me up:

This week, God showed me the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in his creation, and as I swam in the midst of it, I was shut up with wonder. He also showed me the most heart wrenching, difficult thing I have seen bore on the shoulders of someone made completely innocent in the glory of God's grace. I was shut up with heart break. And in between the lines of good and bad, God showed me that in both the good and bad, his grace ties it all together, and only when we see the whole picture - the picture of the cross, the picture of his love - do we see the beauty that God has created. A grace given so freely. And when we are faithful to him to stand back and say, "God, in the midst of this, show me something beautiful," he will. Just keep watching, keep your eyes open for his grace, and let God be God.

KB

 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus... The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen. 
-Philippians 3:5-7;23

Stomach Butterflies

Last week marked the final performance of a stage production I have been a part of - the Dining Room by A.R. Gurney.  The show ran for only 4 days, which isn't a very long time. Bear in mind, we have been working on this production since November.  Despite the short run, it's been worth it although it's also nice to bring it to a close.  I love theater, don't get me wrong, but it's stressful and it requires a great deal of perserverence and I am not very good at handling either!

If you know me very well, you might know that I love theater.  I love plays, film, productions, and heck even a couple musicals here and there.  But if you know me very very well, you might find this ironic because I am also pretty stagefright. In preschool, I refused to sing songs with my classmates because it freaked me out. As a kid, I hid behind my mommy's leg when I met a new person. As a teenager, I worked on being more personable but still hated even speaking up in a group.  As an adult, I wanted to overcome my fear, so I got into acting but I still get ancy before a performance.

I have a ritual before I go on. I usually dance around, listen to a lone piano playing on my iPod, and use the bathroom at least half a dozen times. It's like a really bad version of Amadeus, for all of those who get the reference! During one of the performances for this last show, my director noticed I was acting like a baffoon and asked me what glue I had been huffing. I told them it was stage fright and it was nothing - I would get over it if I could just get my nerves out. Then my director told me something profound:
"Kyle. Stagefright is not your anxiety about people watching you. Stagefright is about you freaking out over you not performing your lines. You're not scared over them. You're scared over yourself."

Fair enough.

It made sense.  The truth is, stagefright is not a matter of if people will be interested in you on stage.  They already are interested - they showed up to the performance after all!  Stagefright is really about yourself. It's when our own pride gets in the way of our thoughts and says, "You aren't capable of this."  What poppycock! All too often we feel that we aren't good enough, capable of, or worth enough to merit our worth on this planet. We are at times "stagefright" over being confident in ourselve, in our faith, or in our relationships. We don't want to take the leap to go to that church or churchgroup because we are "stagefright" over if we know enough to keep up. We don't take time with our family or loved ones because we are "stagefright" that we might not meet their expectations or run out of things to do.  We don't take the initiative at work because we are "stagefright" that it might not go over well with the "boss-man." Worst of all, we are "stagefright" that our faith isn't strong enough - that we are incapable of living up to God's standards.

The truth is, every one of us is worthy of God's love because He gives it freely.  There is nothing we do that can separate us from his love, nothing. But the thing that keeps us from that love and from those standards in our lives (like career, family, etc) is our apprehension over ourselves. We are scared that we aren't worth it or can't live up to them.  But we are each capable of those things.

So this week, think about the things you are "stagefright" about.  Job, family, that special someone, your faith? Bear in mind that nothing we can do can separate us from the love of God and with that knowledge, go forth and perform your heart out without holding back!  Give life all you can.  Sometimes, the thing that holds us back from the best things in life is the fact that we are scared over ourselves, over not being worth it. And remember, the people closest to us, and especially the God who created us, is there for us all the time - they've already "shown up to the performance!" So may we know that nothing can separate us from the love of God, and the love of God cures a multitude of problems. If that's the case, well, then may the show go on!

KB


³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Romans 8:38-39

Writer's Block

Now you can have an inside look at what it is to write these blogs. The process is very in-depth and extensive and I think you'll be surprised at the sheer volume of research that goes into each blog, as demonstrated by this video.... please sense my humble sarcasm. But I do hope you enjoy this one:

WRITER'S BLOCK

Playing with Fire

Flames burn stuff.  This is no great scientific discover I realize.  It is also not surprising that when a man asked to play with a lighter, he is going to set stuff on fire. It's science really.  So when the fire alarms at my friend's apartment went off after I'd been playing with her lighter for her candles, I wasn't surprised. What I was surprised at was that she was surprised that I would use said lighter to burn things, as if all I wanted to do with it was make it a pretty ornament or something. As history tells us, men with lighters and paper lying around means that fire will be in the near future.

Yes, I realize that it is not necessarily the smartest thing to do to set paper on fire with a candle lighter but it's fun.  Heck, it's a blast! And I did specifically ask my friend Maison if I could play with her lighter in the apartment. So as I sat there playing with the fire, the thought of fire alarms or other people in the building being mad if they went off never crossed my mind.  However, a few minutes after I played with said fire, well, people started to panic.

I couldn't help but feel somewhat responsible for the fire alarms going off. After all, I was playing with fire. And it sucked even more that the wind chill outside made the temperature below freezing.  People were panicked, my friend Maison was furious, and I was just trying to keep my mouth shut so the other residents wouldn't find out.  Fire trucks rolled up, building managers showed, and people were in a tizzy while I, well I couldn't help but feel somewhat to blame!

There is a happy ending in this for me, though. It turned out that the freeze had caused pipes in the building to freeze and explode, resulting in an alarm.  My excessive paper burning had nothing to do with it. But I learned a couple of things from this. 1) That God has a sick sense of humor some times and 2) that playing with fire doesn't just mean one person gets the brunt of the consequences, but that everybody does.

We all do some stupid stuff now and then, but playing with fire is more than that.  When we "play with fire," we don't just goof up, we ask to goof up yet expect nothing to happen.  Just as I asked my friend for the lighter with the intention of lighting something on fire, we sometimes seek to be defiant and goof up.  But the reality is, when we seek to "play with fire," the result is that everybody around us is at risk for paying for our mistake.  Everybody has to stand out in the cold and watch the alarms go off because of what we did.

But there is good news.  The grace God offers all of us covers all sin.  Furthermore, the love that God gives to us all and the opportunities that we can love others covers "...a multitude of sin." (1 Peter 4:8)  So this week, whether we have been playing with fire or simply dancing around fire, know that the forgiveness God offers is abundant, it is refreshing, and it is healing. And it's free! May you seek to douse of the flames of sin with the flame of righteous living.

KB

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."  -1 John 1:9

Lessons from the Superbowl

Football is the American sport. I'm sorry to all those baseball fans, soccer fans, basketball fans, and the three hockey fans out there, but football is the greatest sport on the planet. From around September to February, we are graced with heavy pads, tall goal posts, and the chance to shout at the ref. It is a time that Americans can come together and fight about something we can all appreciate - large players tackling and beating the sense out of other players of a different uniform. What's not to love?

However, I am appalled at the shocking lack of football fans I come across at times. That is, I am amazed that anybody who is truly American would not like football. Although I respect their decision to be boring and forgo watching it, I still don't understand it. After next weekend (i.e. Superbowl XLV) ESPN will be forced to air all of the boring sports. Sure, we have March madness, but then what? Andre Agassi and Maria Sharapova? Baseball? Dancing with the Stars? Where's the blood, guts, and sweat in that? It will be a sad time when all my Tevo will record will be WEC fighting and the Ace of Cakes on the Food Network.

So where did this inset love for football arise in me?  I have no idea. Probably because I am a product of my environment. It's been a love I've had to cultivate, but I don't think I'll be losing this love any time soon. For years, I've stood behind my Pittsburg Steelers and less-than-spectacular-at-bowl-games Texas Tech. I also remember the first time I watched the Pittsburg Steelers go to the Superbowl. Rookie quarterback, MVP/record breaking Jerome Bettis, my hero Hines Ward, and Bill "the Underbite" Cower. We won, we celebrated, we partied, we yelled, we celebrated some more and then --

We waited.

For September that is, although, we might as well have skipped September. The Steelers went from an 11-5, Superbowl-winning record to 8-8, less-than-desirable season. It was awful. Disappointing. Pathetic. We didn't even grace the playoffs that year. My dreams of a repeat were dashed in the preseason!

Isn't life like that sometimes? We come off of an astounding, unbelievable season of our lives and enter in to an awful, disappointing, and miserable season just like that? Sometimes it feels that we are on top of the world; other times, we are at all time lows. And this back and forth, up and down, good and bad swinging makes us nearly sick! If you are like me during those times, doubt occasionally creeps up. We wonder, "Does God really know what he's doing up there? How does this help me at all?"

There was good news with the Steelers, though. We came back in 2007 with a 10-6 record, then to another 12-4 Superbowl-winning season in 2008. Of course, had that awful 2006 season never happened, we would have never traded players only to get an improved line. We would also never had replaced our tired coach with Mike Tomlin, who would later become the youngest coach to win a Superbowl in history. We would have never rethought our offense and changed our strategy. We would have never changed, we would have never gotten better, we would have never improved.

Sometimes, the crud we deal with in life is for the better. It doesn't always feel like it but in the whole big scheme of things, it is worth it. If you are like me, then you experience ups and downs every once and a while. Heck, if you're like anybody, you experience them. Sometimes they go on forever; sometimes they seem to never end! But God, in his great and awesome plan for you and me, has it all figured out. Even though we would like to be in a constant state of bliss, he knows that the only way to grow and the only way to be effective and reach the full potential of who we are, we have to go through cruddy seasons. It is how we grow. It is how we adapt. It is how God uses us in the most profound and miraculous ways. If we simply dwelled in those blissful moments, where would our testimony be? How would our faith be tested? How would we stay standing when some garbage is thrown our way? Despite those low moments we go through, if we cling to the God who is always faithful, we won't fall over when adversity comes our way.

So here we are, in 2011, facing Superbowl XLV as the Steelers gear up for the big game again. I will don my Steeler's jersey, towel, cups, hat, and socks and head off to the festivities. I'm usually not into sports analogies, but hey, it's the Superbowl - I'll make an exception this time. No matter what your season has been right now - an awesome "12-4" or a miserable "8-8" or an even more regrettable "4-12" (Sorry Bronco fans) - know that God has been planning, even before the off season, to take you to heights you couldn't imagine! Allow him to teach you, to coach you, and prepare you, because your season is fast approaching!

KB

"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down!" -Philippians 4:6-7a (the Message)

Forgiveness When It Hurts

"Forgive, as God forgave you," isn't easy. I mean, that means actually saying everything's fine, and mean it, when it's really not. How ridiculous. I always thought that verse was regarding all those petty things that go on, like that nimrod who cuts me off on the freeway or lady who gives me a nasty look in Wal-Mart as I cross the crosswalk or even that guy who takes FOREVER at the Redbox deciding on what movie to get. That stuff is easy. I grumble, I feel bad, then I say, "It's all good." But when things get personal, it's not so easy. Such is the call in Colossians 3:13 that says, "Make allowances for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you..." It's a pretty basic scripture at face value, but here's why it's so difficult.

How do we make allowance for other's faults when our love for them has been betrayed?

In theory, it's pretty easy. Just say, "It's all good." But what if it isn't all good? Wouldn't it then be considered a lie? Thus, you would not only be lying but also be in unforgiveness? And wouldn't that lead to further lies, suppressed anger, possible hatred hidden in our heart? And if that was the case then wouldn't that be doubly sinning? And if we just shrugged it off, wouldn't we then be hiding hardness in our hearts, saving all the anger and/or disappointment in said loved one for a later day? 

See? It's not so easy anymore. 

In my quiet time this week, the reoccurring theme has been about forgiveness. At church, the sermon was over forgiveness. At Bible study, the theme was forgiving others. The Netflix movie I got in this week was... wait for it... Unforgiven with Clint Eastwood. I was detecting a slight pattern, and for good reason. This week has been a trying week as far as people go for me. I have felt trampled by a stampede of follies done by those I truly care about, beat up and left out in the cold over stupid stuff and it has left me a wee bit cynical and grouchy, and that is not something I want to foster! I want my inner self to filled with joy and peace and happiness and ice cream. Something has to be done!

So how do you really forgive someone in your heart and in your actions when the result of their problems have left you broken, alone, and disappointed? Is it simply enough to say, "It's all good," and try and direct the water under the bridge? Should we ignore it altogether and let bygones be bygones? Or, should we attempt to replace all of the brokenness with pieces of other broken things and mend it ourselves? 

To answer, I thought of the way Jesus forgave us for our betrayal through sin. After all, no matter what attrocities man commits on another man, it will never be like the fall man made between he and God by way of sin. And He forgave us through sacrifice, in what was indeed the humblest act a man can do. Likewise, as we are hurt by the arrows of others, our response should not be anger, but humility. We should not attempt retaliation, but sacrifice. I Peter 5:6 says, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time, He might exalt you..." And somehow, through God's amazing and infinitely incredible ways, He will exalt those who humble themselves.

It still hurts, there's no doubting that. But when a friend or loved one betrays you with their love, it is only an opportunity to humble ourselves and allow God to piece the brokeness back together. Embarrassment or humiliation is one of the first things we feel when our trust or love is betrayed, and it may seem counter productive to humble ourselves even further, but it is God's way of exalting us up when the time is right even more. God told me today that I need to learn how to truly forgive others and put bad blood aside for him to deal with justly, and something that profound can only be accomplished when we are less, and He, is more.

KB

New Year's New Stuff

I jot this year's first thought of the blog down on my cellphone of all things. Its small keyboard and cracked screen means that my grammar will be sub par or at very best, horribly misspelled. But then again, who needs grammar or punctuation during this new decade? Pff, laptops are so last decade... I'm moving forward with technology, I'm conforming to the new wave of blog-ology. I'm blogging on the go!

But it is only the beginning of the changes this year. I have vowed to keep up with the times and even follow the trends - books with pages are out and Amazon Kindle is in, music from CD's belong on display in a museum, and only people stuck in the 00's still has a MySpace. We welcome a time where even the New Year's ball has LED, Hi-Def wattage and offers free Wi-Fi. I suppose in light of that, typing out the latest blog post on my phone doesn't seem so crazy after all.

Of course with all this change, there's bound to be people unsure or at least worried about what the future may hold. Who knows, maybe the Detroit Lions have a shot at the superbowl at this pace! Hopefully, though, I can alleviate some of those fears of the new year for you...
1) First the Detroit Lions have as good of a chance as I have of taking up Chinese mathematics. May your betting rest assured it won't happen.
2) Jay Leno is still on the AND we have Conan O'Brian. Fear not, we won't be stuck with infomercials before bedtime.
3) There are no major elections in 2011. That means fewer campaign commercials and lawn posters. This also means fewer free agent politicians. Who couldn't use fewer politicians milling about?

See, 2011 isn't going to be that bad!

But no matter what changes or lack thereof bombard our day to day groove, our God is as faithful as he was in 2010, as constant as he was in 1997, and as sturdy as he was in 1983. While it's hard with each passing year to remember that God is still in control, remember, he still is. It's easy with all the uneasiness, fear, and uncertainty at times to forget that God still looks after his creation and is faithful to us all.

I'm not worried about the new year. In fact, I think I may be excited for it. Who knows what may happen? Those Lions may take us by surprise and Leno may actually retire. Who knows? Life will keep rolling; trying to make it fit my own agenda, well that's vanity. Remembering God's faithfulness in every new year, for every new season; well that's truly living! Happy new year, and may the God of our yesterday put at ease the fears of our future, now.

KB

God as made everything beautiful in its season. Everything beautiful in its own season! -Ecclesiastes 3:11, loose translation