Is God Bald?

2 Kings 2:23-25 ²³ From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up, you baldhead!" they said. "Go on up, you baldhead!" ²⁴ He turned
around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. ²⁵ And he went on to Mount Carmel and from there returned to Samaria.

1) Wow... okay, crazy story. No, I did not make this one up, it really is in the Bible.


2) How in the world did 42 youths have nothing better to do than make fun of some prophet- kids, get a Facebook or something. And how did 42 kids get owned by 2 female bears?


3) Note to self: when you get to heaven, do NOT make fun of Elisha's hair/ lack thereof



4) Is God bald?


I know that is a crazy thing to say and don't expect this theory to pop up in any Theological Journals any time soon, although, I'm sure some yahoo is going to try and make something out of it. However, have you ever wondered if God took Elisha's side in this retaliation of the baldies as a result of his own lack of hair. Furthermore, this raises a question along the lines of, "Is there a rock too big for God to move?": Is there a head too bald for God to salvage? If so, we men might as well throw in the towel- if God can't do it, Rogain certainly won't help.


As I write this tonight, I am plagued with an unbelievable amount of, well, let's call them a technical term- "morons." These "morons" have undoubtedly irritated me and thrust me into a unequivocally grumpy state of extreme frustration. "Why have they done this", you ask, "and why have they made you use such big words this week?" Immaturity. Immaturity is the fuel that drives society into a state of entropy and straight up chaos. People never think and that, my friends, is how people make millions over McDonald's coffee spills.


What does this have to do with my theory of divine balding? Simple- when do you see a naturally bald head? On babies and older folks (sorry mid-life readers). A rule of thumb for bald people can be anything in diapers. In the case of these "older folks," they carry with them the experience of maturity. They know how to conduct themselves in society and how to treat other people- they act like adults. So I wonder if God is balding since He is an all-knowing, powerful being who created humanity and thus understands humanity better than anybody else. At any rate, I am excited since one day, we will get to sit at the feet of an all knowing, powerful being who is both fun and mature AT THE SAME TIME. Now, if you are reading this and don't believe in God or even have a hard time letting go of things in your life to let Him handle them, then I pity you. I sure couldn't do it. I mean, if God is willing to deal with these "morons" in our life, then why not let him? I just hope it doesn't take a couple of she-bears mauling a bunch of young people to get the message across.


So here is to letting a balding father take care of those idiots who insist on making us irritate. Here is to Elisha who stood up for all the baldies in this world. And here are to all you who are balding as we speak- I wish you luck with that, but really, it looks like all hope is lost.

KB