What had I done?
That's what I thought as I left the panel of judges who were grading me on my extemporaneous (impromptu) speech at a national competition. It was the third day of this stuff, I had given these impromptu speeches about business, ergonomics, economics, and other assorted boring topics and had progressed to the final round. The top ten. And now, I thought I'd throw it away because of what I'd just said.
Half an hour prior to this moment, I sat alone in my room thinking about how awesome it was that I'd made it this far. Few teams from my region came close to where I was and even fewer placed in national events at this competition. My division of speaking competition contained nearly 200 participants in it alone and I had made it to the top ten. High on cloud nine, I was starting to think I'd been doing pretty well and I had been, but only by the grace of God. The day before this one, in the round to qualify me to the finals, I had bombed the speech. I had no clue what I was talking about and made it up as I went and had no business being in the finals. By the grace of God, I'd made it, so I thought I owed him a little homage for his grace.
I said my prayers and thanked God for what he'd done etc etc. I went to my competition, signed in, faked smiled a lot to people evaluating me, etc etc. Then I was given two topics to speak about and ten minutes to prepare a short speech about them. It was for a business organization so they were topics related as such.
The first question: "How do you run a successful campaign for an office?"
Bleh. I tossed that one.
The second question: "What are your mistakes and what have you done to fix them?"
I stopped. Slamming into me like a bullet, it hit me that I had not done anything to deserve this honor. I had made a mistake on the speech the day before, I had goofed up my speech earlier that morning, I had not let anyone help me prepare for this particular event, and I had not deserved to be in the finals. Moreover, the only reason I was there in the first place was by the grace of God, and I had paid my "homage" to him in a 2 minute prayer earlier that morning. My mistakes were many. My solutions were few. I was a wreck.
I didn't have much to prepare, just a lot of thought and self reflection. I walked into the room with the judges presented my topic and stood there. I could either give them a speech about how I could streamline my business solutions and make my work ergonomic or I could tell them the truth.
I was left with the truth.
I told them I was a wreck. I was prideful, arrogant about the competition, and too headstrong. I gave them a list of reasons
not to pick me for the national award. And then I told them I was a religious man, humbled by a gracious God with wonderful patience and for some reason, he saw something in this stupid, prideful head of mine. I thanked them. I walked out. I figured I'd just thrown my competition.
Did I win? No way. I was beat out by a bunch of kids who spoke English as a second language go figure. I don't really care though. I doubt it would have mattered much a year from now anyways. It was the truth, though. I wasn't about to tack on "liar" to the list of mistakes I'd come up with. Although, as I walked down the hall, thinking about how I'd just thrown it away, I was reminded of Moses and the burning bush (
Exodus 3). He was a man who thought he'd had it together, humbled by his flaws, and now he stood before holy ground by this burning bush. As Rob Bell comments in his book
Velvet Elvis, the burning bush where God called him to deliver the Israelites was a place Moses probably walked by every day. Now, it was holy ground because God was there and Moses fell to his face, humbled by the idea that he did not have it all together.
You may call it a meltdown, but I like to think my speech in front of the judges was more than that. As I walked in, I realized I had too many flaws to talk about in one setting and moreover, the ground I was standing on was holy ground. God was there. And like Moses, I realized how messy my life really was.
Holy ground is not just found in "holy" places. It is all over. We can find it in a sudden realization in a sudden moment that we do
not have things together and we do
not have a clue what we are doing. Like Moses, we may find that holy place in an area that we pass by daily or it may even be in a place that is new and fresh to us. I hope you find that holy place, that place where God dwells and you can feel him all around. I pray you can hear him as clear as can be, whether it be by a bush or in front of a panel of judges. All ground is holy. It's all a matter of hearing what God is saying there.
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