Canvasing the Word

I often come to these blogs with a moral lesson taken from something I had read or heard that week or an analogy that is unique or quirky. This week, I don't have that. I don't feel that there is any one thing I can write that will fully encompass what I feel this week, no specific analogy or specific story to start off with. But the beauty of non-specifics is that it truly allows God to be God. I have sported this blog now for almost three years and have filled it with my thoughts on life, God, and people. But it's tragic, really, to think that those single, weekly thoughts encompass really all of the aspects of life. I've caught myself seeing the world, seeing life, in these one chapter, section by section moments. By that, I mean I've caught myself seeing life as all good or all bad or all ugly for that specific time. When you do that, it's easy to see God's will or life's plans in dainty little segments where we either feel that we are Moses, standing victorious on the other side of the Red Sea having just freed the Israelites, or that we are Job, lowly and miserable and heartbroken by the trials and tests we are going through. But this week, I feel it would be a tragedy to look at life in the moment, that it is either "all good" or "all bad" or just plain ugly for that day, because when we do that, we miss the bigger picture. We only see the small snapshots of God's plan and ultimately canvas His glory into little, bite-sized quantities. We take the "God" out of God.

Over the course of this week, things have been up and things have been down. I saw the most beautiful portrait of nature that God has ever created and saw the most broken and heart wrenching trial I have ever seen God put someone through. The world itself saw a global tragedy tear through continents and kill thousands of people, but it also saw the greatest global effort to revive a broken people, bringing enemies together to save enemies. If we just took the snapshots of the week, it would either look entirely grim or entirely beautiful. We would miss the dichotomy, we would miss the teamwork of good and bad, we wouldn't see the whole picture. Life is a lot like Reese's cups. The peanut butter by itself is okay, the chocolate by itself is okay, but they are only great when combined. Good and bad are only truly amazing - and we can only see God is truly at work - when we see them together.

Take a look at Philippians. Paul writes here and sees something truly beautiful:

⁷ But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸ What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in^[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. (Philippians 3 NIV)

Allow me interpret it this way:

7 But whatever was beautiful, the things I found most awesome, I now see as glib and small compared to Christ. 8 Furthermore, I say it's all nothing because of how great, how "everything," Christ Jesus is to me, who I would sacrifice everything for. The good, bad, and ugly is nothing, garbage!, compared to who Christ is. 9 There is nothing in me that is worthy of his love, nothing I've done or said. But, through faith, through constancy, through love in Christ - I do have that righteousness, through him alone! (Philippians 3 NKV: New Kyle Version)

Paul found something here. He found out what it is to see the whole picture. He found that life in Christ brings him to a redemption he neither deserved nor could attain or get by himself. The good he had done wasn't worthy of God's love, the bad certainly wasn't, and the ugly situations he faced (like being stoned and beaten for Christ) only made the message of Christ's redemption more beautiful.

And that is what is truly beautiful about life! That the culmination of the good things we do and the bad things we do will never be worthy of God's love. But he gives it anyways, even in the ugliest, nastiest moments in our life he gives it anyway. And that's what's beautiful. That is what we miss when we push aside everything around us and focus on the small, day-to-day snapshots of life. Day-to-day, we won't know if life will be a great or if it will be miserable. When we look at the day-to-day, it's nothing more than a mere gamble - will it be good or bad today? Yet the painting we see in the background, when we pan out and look at life in Christ in its entirety, we see the most beautiful thing yet - grace. A grace we miss out on when caught on in the bulk of activities. A grace I didn't see until God shut me up:

This week, God showed me the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in his creation, and as I swam in the midst of it, I was shut up with wonder. He also showed me the most heart wrenching, difficult thing I have seen bore on the shoulders of someone made completely innocent in the glory of God's grace. I was shut up with heart break. And in between the lines of good and bad, God showed me that in both the good and bad, his grace ties it all together, and only when we see the whole picture - the picture of the cross, the picture of his love - do we see the beauty that God has created. A grace given so freely. And when we are faithful to him to stand back and say, "God, in the midst of this, show me something beautiful," he will. Just keep watching, keep your eyes open for his grace, and let God be God.

KB

 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus... The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen. 
-Philippians 3:5-7;23

Stomach Butterflies

Last week marked the final performance of a stage production I have been a part of - the Dining Room by A.R. Gurney.  The show ran for only 4 days, which isn't a very long time. Bear in mind, we have been working on this production since November.  Despite the short run, it's been worth it although it's also nice to bring it to a close.  I love theater, don't get me wrong, but it's stressful and it requires a great deal of perserverence and I am not very good at handling either!

If you know me very well, you might know that I love theater.  I love plays, film, productions, and heck even a couple musicals here and there.  But if you know me very very well, you might find this ironic because I am also pretty stagefright. In preschool, I refused to sing songs with my classmates because it freaked me out. As a kid, I hid behind my mommy's leg when I met a new person. As a teenager, I worked on being more personable but still hated even speaking up in a group.  As an adult, I wanted to overcome my fear, so I got into acting but I still get ancy before a performance.

I have a ritual before I go on. I usually dance around, listen to a lone piano playing on my iPod, and use the bathroom at least half a dozen times. It's like a really bad version of Amadeus, for all of those who get the reference! During one of the performances for this last show, my director noticed I was acting like a baffoon and asked me what glue I had been huffing. I told them it was stage fright and it was nothing - I would get over it if I could just get my nerves out. Then my director told me something profound:
"Kyle. Stagefright is not your anxiety about people watching you. Stagefright is about you freaking out over you not performing your lines. You're not scared over them. You're scared over yourself."

Fair enough.

It made sense.  The truth is, stagefright is not a matter of if people will be interested in you on stage.  They already are interested - they showed up to the performance after all!  Stagefright is really about yourself. It's when our own pride gets in the way of our thoughts and says, "You aren't capable of this."  What poppycock! All too often we feel that we aren't good enough, capable of, or worth enough to merit our worth on this planet. We are at times "stagefright" over being confident in ourselve, in our faith, or in our relationships. We don't want to take the leap to go to that church or churchgroup because we are "stagefright" over if we know enough to keep up. We don't take time with our family or loved ones because we are "stagefright" that we might not meet their expectations or run out of things to do.  We don't take the initiative at work because we are "stagefright" that it might not go over well with the "boss-man." Worst of all, we are "stagefright" that our faith isn't strong enough - that we are incapable of living up to God's standards.

The truth is, every one of us is worthy of God's love because He gives it freely.  There is nothing we do that can separate us from his love, nothing. But the thing that keeps us from that love and from those standards in our lives (like career, family, etc) is our apprehension over ourselves. We are scared that we aren't worth it or can't live up to them.  But we are each capable of those things.

So this week, think about the things you are "stagefright" about.  Job, family, that special someone, your faith? Bear in mind that nothing we can do can separate us from the love of God and with that knowledge, go forth and perform your heart out without holding back!  Give life all you can.  Sometimes, the thing that holds us back from the best things in life is the fact that we are scared over ourselves, over not being worth it. And remember, the people closest to us, and especially the God who created us, is there for us all the time - they've already "shown up to the performance!" So may we know that nothing can separate us from the love of God, and the love of God cures a multitude of problems. If that's the case, well, then may the show go on!

KB


³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Romans 8:38-39