Watch What You Write

I need to shut my mouth. Seriously, I seem to have lost that section of my brain that deals with tact. I have said something stupid stuff in my lifetime, stuff that really had zero thought process involved with it. Lately, I have topped the charts in my stupidity. Of course, I have a story to go with my accusations against myself. So buckle up, here we go:

2nd period, Business Management class: I am furious. For the past week, I have been fanagaling and wrestling with the computers at the school to perform simple tasks like checking e-mails and applying for scholarships. The reason lies with the new web monitering program the school district has recently uploaded to the network. Guardian is its name and ruining fun is its game. Lately, it has had the audacity to mess with my blog, blocking it from general view! But I let it go, understanding that some people just don't have good taste in progressively meaningful and captivating blogging. However, it actually blocked me from my email account on this particular afternoon. To this, I said no more! Enraged with irritation, I was able to use a different account and email the school district with my utterly fiery complaint, saying things like, "Guardian web proxy is possibly the worst thing against censorship since, well, ever," and, "...this is no more than a disgusting atrocity against our first amendment rights. If anyone wishes to dispute me, I dare them to log onto any computer in the school district and check their e-mail." I clicked "send" and forgot about it.

3:57 pm, same day: I check my inbox nonchalantly thinking it was nothing more than a regular day of junk mail and advertisements; it wasn't. Looming in my inbox sat a well written, two page explanation of why Guardian is not the antichrist. I must say, it was a compelling arguement. They said things like, "When you searched Google for ‘unbeatable proxy’[to get around it later that day]...[it was] a direct violation of the Roswell ISD Acceptable Use Policy. School Board Policy 3112/5132," and, "we are monitoring and looking into any abnormal behavior in the system." OK, sounds like I lost this battle. However, my favorite part of his response to my e-mail was the part where my letter made it to the desk of the Superintendent of the school district, and it turned out that this man's response to my letter was a direct order from the chief! So, umm, yeah... I lose.

Moral of the story is, "Watch what they heck you say! It might actually come true." That is not a bad thing after all. Sometimes it works for the better. Check out Gideon found in the book of Judges chapters 6-7. This wimpy little warrior asked God twice to show him an absolutely outlandish, rediculous sign that proved he was going to save God's choson people. He got it, both times. Needless to say, it shut him up. But what about you? What have you asked, "What the heck?" about lately? What have you been slaving over, praying over, day after day? Just think, if it really came true, then what? Is it really the answer you were looking for, or just the answer you thought you were looking for?

So I wrote the guy back- flabergasted. A lot of "sorry's" and "you have a point" were written on my reply. I did have the gaul enough to ask that my email be opened up agian, a decision I may soon live to regret, but a decision I wanted approved nonetheless. And so, while I still have a big mouth, I have learned to shut it up every once and a while, a lesson we could all use. Whether it is healing or vengence, I have found it best to not get all worked up next time I see something I don't like; I let God deal with it from now on. So here's to sitting down and shutting up. Here's to standing up for what we believe in. And here's to all the goofy letters that end up where they shouldn't be. Oh and I might add what that fella finished his two page, pointient answer with: "On another subject, I found your email to be readable, articulate, full of proper grammar and punctuation, and concise." Well, at least I'm concise. So here's to that too.

KB

Penmanship

So in making this little flick, I was enamored with the idea of, "What would a man be if he were an inanimate object?" Layman's Terms: I was bored and liked the song. So I shot it by myself, thus showing how much of a nerd I am and how talented I am at being one. So the effect was such that I posted it on YouTube as well as here, so go forth and watch. The song is A-Punk by Vampire Weekend, in case you were wondering. Here's to all the joy YouTube and all the goofballs like myself bring to the table each and every day.




KB

The Pardons of a Pentacostal Preacher

I have done a lot of stupid, silly, and awkward things in front of a group of people before, such as competing in an air guitar contest and break dancing in front of hundreds of people. My retarded antics have been recorded and photographed and are posted all over YouTube by now and have made it into more than a dozen stories from total strangers, I'm sure of this fact. My most recent escapade to date involved an improv dating game where I played a fiery Pentecostal preacher. Allow me to explain...

Wednesday night youth group played out just like normal. The game that night was a take on the popular TV show, Whose Line is It Anyways. We were playing the dating game, where three bachelors with quirky identities joke around with a clueless female interest. Tonight's clueless female interest was one precious Rachael Irmen. Her outstanding choices were Garrett Messer as a Mexican Chef, Zane Radar as a nostalgic high school football player, and yours truly as a fiery Pentecostal preacher. Now that you're all caught up, let me tell you the embarrassing part.
"Bachelor Number 3: What sort of qualities do you find most important in your woman?" By this point in the game, I had gotten rediculously into character and was waving my Bible around on top of a chair and yelling "Hallelujah" and "Amen" like a bafoon. I started rambling around about something that had to do with a selfless, giving heart and a lovely woman of God. "May she fall at the feet of Jesus and wash his feet with her hair!" I yelled as I then proceeded to fall on my knees in front of her and rubbed my hair in her feet. Her look of surprise and horror matched my surprise as to what I had said. Of course, it got a pretty uproarious laugh and we all enjoyed the game, blah blah blah.

So I got to thinking that night about the story I quoted in a rather, um, unique fashion. So I read it. It's all about how Jesus was having a dinner with a Pharisee when a prostitute barged in and fell at her face before Jesus. Her tears ran down her face and onto his feet, and she then wiped his feet clean with her hair. The Pharisee was befazzled, if that is a word, and started questioning Jesus- "What the heck, chief? She is a whore and I am a beautiful, sexy man with money! Umm... hello???"

Jesus, in his Sunday school happy face of course, retorted, "Say you got two guys who have outstanding debts 'cus they bet on the Bengals- obviously their first mistake- so that one is out fifty and the other is out a hundred. The bookie says that they are free to go, right, 'cus the boss is in a good mood. Which guy is more grateful?"

"Obviously the guy who was more in the dirt- the guy with a hundred!"

Point made.

And of course, I got started thinking. Both of these guys are out money. Both are in red, whether it was one penny or one million big ones. We are all in the red; we all screw up, whether it's once in our lifetime or once a day. Maybe it's not about how bad in the gutter we are, but it's about realizing we are in the gutter at all. Could this story, which I so butchered in front of dozens of teens, be about learning to fall at our knees in reverence of mercy? That we realize our faults and then realize the mercy we have been given. It's enough to make us fall on our knees and rub our hair on some feet.

So I guess what I was really saying in front of all those people was that I was looking for a woman who can fall at the feet of our Lord and Savior and can admit her wrongs and then admit that the mercy of our Almighty God is unbelievably true. And despite my sarcasm on stage and the laughs that followed, I think that this is just about spot on for the real thing. So here's to a woman of God out there, who right now I pray is falling on her knees before the God who saves. Here's to me, learning to do the same thing. And here's to the Pentecostal preachers who make Wednesday nights a joy for sarcastic dorks like myself. Now go wash some feet with your head.

KB